Happy but Sad

I was happy but now I am sad. So sad that I couldn't help ...my tears rolled down my cheek last nite. My dance instructor selected a few of us to join dance competition end of this year. Ballroom dancing for beginners' level. My dance partner told me he couldn't join...at first...due to lack of confidence, he just started less than 2 months. But he has the potential and talent. John pairs us up.

Yesterday, while persuading him....I asked "Is it b'coz yr gf jealous?"
He said "Actually I did talk to her, it seems like she doesn't quite bless me to join"

I was like "Ohh........"

I asked him to think about it again and how much it meant to me. I thought it was ok....but...nope. I really really want to join this. And so far, he is the only guy that match my height. And we can both dance comfortably.

Well, I know I cannot force him la. I just pray to God that something right will happen.

Yearning to be Self Employed

Lately I find myself more attached to Meow. It feels like when we first dated. Of coz, there are still concerns to think about…but I just try not to think too much. I've got so many things to do…so little time. I hope I can find a job which pays me enough to save and survive. I am so tired with working till late or on weekends…time where I could spend working my beads / read / relax.

I am so eager to just quit and do a small business….sell something…I dun mind being a hawker, but I cannot do it alone, or should I say too afraid to do it alone. What can I sell, where? Need how much to start ? With so many things in my head…and my tiring/stressful office job right now, I can barely concentrate.

If only I can get paid by just Zzzzz and dreaming :P

My performance review

Ok, let's see how I fair since my last post :

do more of my beads - ya ya, so I did, only for those urgent orders, none yet for my upcoming sale at UPR this Sunday 27, May. Chia lat liao...

update my blog - ya, I did, once a fortnight? I have to keep up, gambate~~!

read my favourite books/magazines/newspapers - this I can proudly say yes, I did - I finished Why Men Love Bitches By Sherry Argov, very very interesting book, a must for all ladies ;)

sleep more (current record approx. 4 hrs daily) - ok ok, I slept more…5 hours lo. ONE hour extra also considered right.

go out more - This one confirm I did :) Makan a lot also. Top favourites - Esplanade Rojak/fruits, 'White Tom Yam' and Starbucks/Borders at Queensbay.

catch up with friends/family/relatives - aiya, a bit guilty on this, only keeping to my normal group so far.

clean my room (this is a must ! my room is a total mess) - Partially done, pai seh !!

watch some tv programmes (i almost forgot TV exists) - er…still no improvement, but hey, I bought a dozen DVDs leh…emm…I think will take me few years to watch all, coz I still have VCDs (ya, that time DVD not so in yet) untouched for 7 years !)

search for new job - I think I did click one or two 'Apply this Job' few weeks ago.

I am back

It's been a long long time since I neglected this blog. Well, so many things happened...so many things have changed. I am not back to single life but yet not so single.
Most of the time, I am confused and not sure what I really want. There were times I am pretty sure of what I want but due to certain reasons, circumstances, obstacles...u know, it's difficult to get what I really hope or want. I guess I am not the only one and many of us face the same problem.

For now, I am just trying to focus on my goal to earn more money and hopefully not to be tied up with my current job...working on weekends and sleepless nights. I hope I can really have my own business in the near future and not depend on office job.

I must find time to :

do more of my beads
update my blog
read my favourite books/magazines/newspapers
sleep more (current record approx. 4 hrs daily)
go out more
catch up with friends/family/relatives
clean my room (this is a must ! my room is a total mess)
watch some tv programmes (i almost forgot TV exists)
search for new job

I think 9 in the list is quite a lot...dun even know if i can cover up to 3 !

Wish me luck !

Letting Go is Hard

Actually I do not understand my feelings. Here I am, in love with Meow, yet I still feel envious towards ex n his bitch.
Jean told me she saw them together at Prangin Mall yesterday. Bitch has her hand round his arm/elbow. He never liked it, he is just forcing himself too much. He doesn't like shopping...but he is doing all this for the wrong girl.

Yesterday was actually one year exactly we had close contact. I bet he doesn't know or remember anything abt that.
He is so blindy in love with her. Even Bird told me that he doesn't like her, in fact the whole team/gang in his dept doesn't like that bitch. They said he is too blind. She is flirting behind him...not with one guy, but many at the same time. Why can't he see it ? Stupid...paying for her fees some more. Damn stupid. She will suck him dry and leave him...just a matter of time.

It's really sad to see someone u love and cared before drowning into deep shit. He has changed so much, so much that even as a friend, he doesn't do his part liao. He didn't even ask how I was or my dad when he knew my dad was hospitalised last month...what a friend huh!

I need to let go, really let go...but I am here still...as his friend...if he ever needs me...my friendship is ever ready. God Bless him.

Patch Up

I am so happy for sis that she n Kit patch up. It's good to have some time together without the young one around. She has to learn to trust her MIL no matter how she does not like it. After all, her MIL loves Ryan ma.

Finally, after much 'probing', Meow admitted to buying cigarettes from shop downstairs of his office, not the whole packey but by stick, each cost RM 0.40...he said average 2 - 3 sticks wor...cannot tahan wor...sigh ! I am so upset abt it. I wish and pray he could stop smoking for his health and own good.

Ok liao

Well, turned out Meow was having flu....that was why he so quiet and moody. But he could've told me ma. We are ok liao...but still I wish he won't pretend and ignore me whenever I questioned about him smoking. I prefer to talk about it. Ish...geram nya.

Sis called Sun afternoon complaining abt her MIL. She was crying....wish I could be there for her.